Enid Area Chapter

P.O. Box 1783

Enid, OK 73702-1783

A non-profit agency

National Website

www.compassionatefriends.org

"Assisting Bereaving Parents, Grandparents & Siblings"

Newsletter is supported by your tax deductible gifts.

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Time and Place of Monthly Meetings

2nd Thursday of the Month at 7:00 P.M.

St. Mary's Regional Hospital

305 South 5th St. ** Enid, OK

Classroom A

(Enter through East Door and follow signs)

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 Director and Editor: 

Richard & Bonnie Szczepaniak  

2118 W. Oak Ave ** Enid, OK 73303

Phone: 580-233-0667

E-Mail: rbszczepanik@aol.com

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Compassionate Friends organization, strives to help families resolve grief following the death of a child by offering friendship and understanding."

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Experts Suggest

Parents should "talk about their grief" and to openly express how they feel.  Ignoring their grief won't make it go away; talking about it often makes them feel better.  Parents should speak from their hearts, not just their heads.  Doing so doesn't mean they are losing control or "going crazy." It is a normal part of their grief journey.  

The most compassionate thing parents can do at this difficult time is to find a a support system of caring friends and relatives who will provide the understanding they need.

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How can you help?

The Compassionate Friends recommends the following ways to comfort and to show your support to bereaved parents when a child dies:

   Do not try to find magic words that will take away the pain.  There aren't any.  Instead, offer a hug or a touch.

  Avoid using clichés to explain the death.  There are no words that make it all right that their child has died.

Listen.  Let them express their emotions.

Be there to offer help for specific tasks.  Do not say "call me if there is anything I can do"  --- the call will never come.

  Be patient.  Parents and siblings respond differently to how they are feeling.  There is no standard timetable for recovery.

Give special attention to surviving siblings.  They are often ignored.

  Mention the child's name.  Using the child's name lets the parents know they are not alone in remembering their child.

  Share fond memories of that child.  Laughter helps heal the hurt.

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Frequently Asked Questions

If I go to a meeting, will I have to talk?
      No one is required to talk at any meeting. We understand how difficult that can be when our grief is so fresh. We do ask that you listen, however.

My child was an adult and didn't live at home. Can I still go to a meeting?
      Chapter meetings are open to all families who have experienced the death of a child, at any age, from any cause. Regardless of age, we in TCF believe our children will always be thought of as just that.....our children.

Is there a charge to attend?
     There is never a charge to attend a TCF meeting. Our chapters rely on voluntary donations from members, friends and the community at large.

What happens at a meeting?
      Some meetings are simply introducing ourselves and sharing our thoughts and feelings. At other times, chapters have short programs before the sharing time. The programs may include a brief guest speaker, viewing a video tape, or listening to an audio tape.

Can I bring a friend with me?
     Of course, you can bring a friend, but we ask that they, as well as all members, respect each other's privacy. It is important for us to be able to share freely within our group and be sure confidences will be respected.

My husband says he won't come with me. Can I come alone?
      Yes. We all grieve differently and he may not be ready to take part just yet...or ever. And, likewise, many husbands attend meetings without their wives.

My child died from AIDS. Will I still be welcome?
      Yes. All families who have experienced the death of a child at any age, from any cause, are welcome.

Religion doesn't matter to me anymore. Can people at a meeting accept that?
      I think you will find TCF members are very tolerant of any views. After the death of a child, many priorities, as well as values, change.

I notice the meeting is in a church. Do I have to belong to a church to attend?
      TCF has no religious affiliation at all. Chapters meetings are held in a wide variety of locations depending upon what is available in our communities.

I have baby-sitting problems. Would it be all right to bring my five year old with me?
      While we understand the difficulties of finding child care, we must ask that any children attending with you be old enough to understand the meeting discussions and not be upset by them. Some chapters have sibling groups for children twelve or older; check with your local chapter about this.

Do I need a reservation before I come to a meeting?
      No reservations are needed. Just come whenever you feel up to it.

 My child died seven years ago, and I postponed my grief work. Now it's catching up with me. Is it too late to come now?
      We all grieve differently. Many parents don't feel the need of a support group until years after the death of a child. It's all right to come whenever you are ready, whether it's soon after your child's death, months later or years later.